********************* LIMERICKS ************************* (about various people, by various people, most vaguely to do with Maths and Computation) A linear algebra lecturer who used a lot of notation: Robert Baston was talking to me, On how the alphabet should be. "Some use twenty six, But they get in a fix, So I only use t, tau and T." Proofs in Continuity and Differentiability look very similar after a while: I'm sure you all know Dr. Day, Whose lectures are frightfully gay! The epsilon game, Is always the same, Only 2 lectures left - Hip Hooray!! The book for the course was adhered to very closely: There once was a lecturer Tod, Whose lecture technique was quite odd. He copies down pages Of Welsh for his wages, And he's sure Mr.Grimmett is God! Dr. Tod would find a lot of messages written on the blackboard: By 7.13.8 We can prove that Tod's lectures were grat By removing my rhyme You'll be wasting our time And the lecture finishing late. About an Analytical + Numerical Methods lecturer: There once was a doctor called Suli, Whose lectures were always unruly. His strange evolution Of the general solution, Has nothing to do with Bernouilli! An uninspiring ANM1 lecturer: There was a young doctor called Grant, Whose charisma was that of a plant. His artistic graphs Always give us great laughs, He thinks we can draw but we can't! A lecturer from Budapest, Came to Oxford merely for jest. He thought ANM1 Was a bundle of fun, But things are different here in the west! The functional programming lecturer: There once was a lecturer Bird, And square was his favourite word. His lectures were boring - The students were snoring! And so he could never be heard! The hardware lecturer is Australian; Tony Hoare taught the logic course: There once was a lecturer Bruce, Who always looked tidy and spruce. He was never a bore, So he taught Tony Hoare, But his pupil has got a screw loose! Mistake by above lecturer changed direction of time: An Aussie called Sanders once said, Things are spinning around in my head, For Down Under the ground Time's switched around So mine shall go backwards instead! m88jrh, also known as m88da, also with unusual hairstyle: There was a young hacker called Jase, Or was he called Jim? I can't face Yet another new name For the man we can't tame, Whose hair is in quite the wrong place! m88wjb: Walter Bayer's the one I accuse Of posting the silliest news. I don't understand 'em So he should abandon His 'in' jokes and practical blues. This refers to a certain talk session where m88jrh pretended to be mkhadmin: A gullible hacker called Pete, Did mkhadmin once meet, But this man is disguise Was telling big lies - To convince him was no massive feat. A pink piggie was given as a reward to a logic student: One day a pink piggie called Fred, Condescended to get out of bed. He liked logic, you see, So decided to be A propositional piggie instead. These two are supposedly on a tree in some Oxbridge college quad: There was a young man who said "God Must find it exceedingly odd, When he finds that this tree Just ceases to be When there's no-one about in the quad!" Dear Sir, your astonishment's odd - I am always about in the quad. So you'll find that this tree Never ceases to be Since observed by, yours faithfully, God. Keith is the originator of the first 6 limericks: Keith Gordon the Limerick man Makes up poems as fast as he can. He's often quite terse When expressing in verse - It's a pity they don't often scan! m89jwk Will go over quota some day. When he hasn't enough, He copies our stuff! Does he write his own programs? No way! Carroll Morgan was talking to me On how a good program should be. "It's easy", he said, "Just say it in Z, Then code it in Algol or C!" There is a tradidion of playing a practical joke in the last Software Engineering lecture of Michelmas term; a Scarlatti tape that Carroll hates was played: The Christmas-time lecture's been done, With no sign of a water-filled gun, But we found that Scarlatti Made our Morgan go batty; Christmas Carrolls are always such fun! w:[pre,post] is the standard formula in Software Engineering: Carroll Morgan's the man with the most, But his word-processor gave up the ghost. It wanted to do A sonnet or two, But not w:[pre,post]! A peeved Software Engineer: Writing programs in Modula-2 Is the worst possible thing you can do. The computer compiles 1% of your files Leaving all the debugging to you! Remember the cows?(They're in View_funnies): Logged onto the computer one night, Turned out I was in for a fright. When I read all the news I was given some views Of some cows on a screen. Goodnight. A certain topology lecture was obviously not that thrilling: Dr.Collins was giving a talk Out of which all the students did walk. As they went out of the door, He yelled "Come back! There's more! It's just that I've run out of chalk!" m88pcfb got chicken pox a while back: There once was a hacker named Pete Who had spots over both of his feet. Well, was it his sox? No, just chicken pox So they gave him all veg and no meat! Oh, m88tgd Is as happy as he can be. He'll do you no harm, Nor break off your arm, But please don't call him Geoffrey! This really did happen: Tony Moore had to pick up the pace When hit by Michael in the face. He said "See there flows Pints of blood from my nose" And down the corridor did race! And now the results of a limerick competition: There once was a hacker named Pete - In news articles he would us greet. His spanking new siggy Is boring us silly, (well, almost!) But he thinks it's - well, kinda neat! There once was a hacker named Pete, Whose `C' listings measured ten feet! So muddled they were He couldn't find where He'd hidden `procedure delete'. There once was a hacker named Pete, He did an extraordinary feat! ( pronounced "extrordnary") When asked to perform The infinity-norm He quickly replied "It's two feet." There once was a hacker named Pete, Who was judged to be charming and sweet. He was well-liked by all, From the great to the small, And was cool as a penguin in heat. (hint: penguins live in cold places) and finally... remember Pete's STUPID signature (at the end of about 30 news articles...) There once was a hacker named Pete Who's junk news filled many a sheet We'd almost get violent To make him go silent Heaven NOSE it would be quite a FEET (apologies to the inteligent ones for the STRONG hints) Phil is a well-known mathematician: There once was a Mathmo named Phil Who's singing voice gave us a thrill For with untroubled ease He recited John Cleese And the memories of this warm us still (pronounced mem'ries) >From the Pascal for Mathematicians course: The CTC lecturer Gough Is our brand new computer Prof. He came here today On the computers to play; I wish he would just log off! A truly boring lecturer: Dr.Gittins can always amuse With that great probability ruse. But the reason we go Is that all of us know It's the best place around for a snooze. He also expounded his numbering system at great length: "My numbering system's non-standard It's really quite complex and hard. I think it should be One, two and then three...." Dr.Gittins - our subject is marred! Lebesgue - first taught by Dr.Powell, then Dr.Luke: If you thought that you liked integration We can remedy the situation Our lectures in Lebesgue Were always so vague How did he pass matirculation? And then our dear friend Dr.Luke Who could only solve things by a fluke. She loved integration - It was her occupation! O please someone, get me a nuke!