SEX PASCAL  v.69

ERRORS
     'Hex number too large'  = The last time I saw one that big it
                               was hanging under a donkey
     'Variable too big for
      memory'                = It's so big it's mind-blowing
     'BEGIN expected'        = She's got her clothes off and ready to go
     'Too many procedures'   = The foreplay's gone on long enough
     'DO expected'           = "Come on, do it to me!"
     'Label not declared'    = What brand of condoms have you got?
     'END expected'          = "Please stop, I've had enough!"
     'Too many digits'       = You can't put your whole hand up
     'Premature end of file' = It went limp before the climax
     'Too many devices'      = Which vibrator shall I choose from?
     'Variant device'        = I'll choose this one - it's got
                               thrusting action
     'Tag type mismatch'     = The condom's too big
     'Real device expected'  = I don't want a vibrator - I need the
                               real thing (note: not coca cola)
     'Can't read this type'  = I've lost my glasses and cannot read
                               the small writing on this sex manual
     'Too many dimensions    = I'm having problems translating page 47
      for translator'          of the kama sutra into Serbo Croat
     'Digit expected'        = Get your magic fingers working on
                               my erogenous zones
     'ID table overflow'     = I told you not to do it on the table
                               where it would overflow onto the carpet
     'Too many nested        = There's so many Des O'Connor records on
      records'                 that shelf that it's put me off the job
FATAL ERROR
      'Premature termination  = she had an epileptic fit whilst
       of parameter'            giving a blow-job

DEMONSTRATION PROGRAM

Program Sex (input,output,input,output,input,output,input,output);

var
   condom,up,down : boolean;

Procedure up_and_down;
begin
  if up=true then down
      else up
end;

begin
 repeat
  read(condom);
 until condom=true

 repeat
  up_and_down;
 until climax;

end.

If you are a bit kinky then the following procedure may
be implemented :-

Procedure foreplay;
begin
 read(choice);
  case choice of
    1 : Strawberry Yoghurt;
    2 : Baked Beans;
    3 : Ice Cream;
    4 : Vaseline;
  endcase;
end.