SECURITY ALERT - IBM VIRUS FOUND

Recent investigations have uncovered a SINISTER plot to undermine the
foundations of student computing. Commonly known as the Invincible But Maniac
virus, this scourge of our era has now struck at academic institutions around
the globe. Originating from 'industry' (look it up), this unorthodox variety
can be identified by its one amazing physical characteristic.

*** THIS VIRUS IS A HARDWARE DEVICE ***

If you see any box with a label such as 'International Business
Machines', do not be fooled - 90% of all people lured into using the machine
lose all innovative powers within a year. 88% of all 'businesses' (ask your
careers avdvisor to explain) suffer terminal overdrafts* within 5 years.
If you come into contact with any unfortunate soul that has been conned
into handing over money* for such a device you should recommend
that they seek a refund IMMEDIATELY - and perhaps psychiatric advice too.

Among the dire consequences of unpacking one of these boxes you may find:
        - 'Lock in' ... Most computers 'lock up' regularly. IBM machines not
          only have this regular feature, but should you create any data, then:
                i) The 'misinterpreter' will absolve your calculations of
                   all accuracy.
               ii) A special hardware/os feature will prevent this data and
                   all programs from being run on any other computer for
                   at least 20 YEARS. The one exception is if you pay even
                   greater ransoms for another IBM machine.
        - 'Bill' ... This man will remove all positive numbers the bank
          associated with your name.
        - 'Moths' ... IBM machines use no moth repellant in their valves.
          Please note that moths love punched tape.

ON NO ACCOUNT SHOULD ANY IBM MACHINE BE APPROACHED. AVOID IBM SALESMEN
AS YOU WOULD A RABID DOG. THEY BOTH CONSUME AN ARM AND A LEG, AND FOLLOW UP
WITH YOUR LIFE FOR AFTERS.

                        End of security message.

* you should already be familiar with these concepts.
For the uninitiated an idea of proportion can be gained from the following
exchange rates:
        1 IBM mainframe = 2,000,000 pounds. (costs 100,000 to make - FACT)
                        = 12 student overdrafts (7 for medics, 3 for hackers
                          with modem).