Old Jokes

Back in the 80s, when I was a student in the UK, there were a lot of jokes going around JANet. Many of these were Oxford/Cambridge related. I guess I must have taken a copy before leaving, 'cos when I was reading some old floppies I came across this "treasure" (word used advisedly) trove.

Many of these I haven't looked at in over 30 years! If there are any copyright violations then please let me know and I'll remove the offending file. Because of the age of the archive and how it was built I can't prove provenance.

They're listed by filename, which isn't necessary the obvious order :-)

Index of Funnies

ADV-LOCAdventure Locations
ADV-LOC2More adventure locations
AI-EXAMAI paper 2 resit
AIDS.LTRA letter about AIDS benefits
AIDS.RAPWhat the name suggests
ALICESREAlices Restaurant
ALLCOCK.JTPoem about John Thomas Allcock
ALLITERAlliterations on names
AMERICAN.LAWSome interesting laws passed in the US
AMERICAN.EDUState of American Education
AMOROUSThe laws of amorous correspondence
APPLICARacist application form
ARTHUR.PUNA punnish Love Story set in the time of King Arthur
ASTONISHThe result of putting VOTE through a speller
ATOMBOMBHow to build your own atom bomb
BAGHDAD.BTYQuote from Iraq's Answer to Tokyo Rose
BAMBI.VT1A VT100 Picture of Bambi v Godzilla
BANK_ROBAdvice for bank robbers
BEER2Why Beer is Better Than Women
BIGGAMEMathematical Theory of Big Game Hunting
BIONIC.DICThe Tale Of Freddie Bloor
BIONIC2The Tale Of Freddies Girlfriend
BITJOKEA bit of a joke: computer humour
BLACKADR.3Blackadder III: Wellington [an episode from the series]
BLAKES7.QUOClassic Blakes 7 quotes
BOOKLISTBook of Lists
BORED.PASBored by Pascal?
BORON.JOKA Boron Chemical Mystery
BRITISH.RLLetter praising(?) British Rail
BUGSPoem about bugs
BUSHGeorge Bush on atheism
CAFEMENUHow to get your own back on a cafe
CALIFORN.CODThe California way to code C programs
CAMBR.MATQuotes from Cambridge Maths Lecturers
CANABy Rowan Atkinson
CARTOONCartoon Laws
CHINESEI Like Chinese (Monty Python)
CHINMENUChinese Restaurant Menu
CHUNNELOde To The Channel Tunnel
COFFEEVarious humour about coffee
COLDDiLithium in a Cold Fusion Cell?
COLDFUSIReal reports on Cold Fussion
COMPAQ.ADA real Compaq computer advert
COMP.LANBeginners Guide To Computer Language
COMP.STRReal(?) humorous computer stories
COMPUTER.BIBBiblical Dictionary of Computing Terms
COMP_EXP.GLOCompurter Experts Glossary
CONDOMGirls Guide To Condoms
CONDUCTRThe Bus Conductor
CONSPIRARadio transcipt about Irangate
COUNTA story with a moral
COUNTRYDescription of inhabitants of various countries
COWSA canonical list of Cows
CRICKETA Poem about cricket
CUCUMBERWhy cucumbers are better than men
CUTUPCutup code for a burroughsizer program
DARK.SUCThe Theory of Dark Suckers
DATAWOCKDatawocky (poem)
DATINGDating Agency Form
DECNETDigital responds to Hyper-Ethernet
DECWARSFollow the saga of Luke VaxHacker
DEVDRUMExplanation of the /dev/drum special device
DEXDRUMMThe Adventures of Dex Drummond
DIDYOUDid You Know who was...
DIETThe Sensual Dieters Guide (132 column)
DISCONTEGod being displeased with the world
DIYFUSD.I.Y. Fusion (A "Dukes Of Hazzard Guide")
DOCTORSDecoding Phrases used by Doctors
DOUGHNUTDoughnuts and philosophy
DRINKINGThe Beer Drinkers Fault Finding Guide
DRINKING.UNIDrinkers guide using Uniplex graphics
DY1Bob Dylan Lyrics
EARTHUser Documentation. Region: Earth
EASTERAnimated "Happy Easter"
ELEMENTNew element administratium found
ELEPHANTElephant Jokes
EMAXHouse Votes For Emacs By Narrow Majority
EMBER1The Dying Of Ember (Amber parody)
ERIC.BEEEric The Half A Bee
EVOLUTIOEvolution of Man
EXETER.EXMExeter University Physics Exam (Part 1)
FAMOUSFamous Men Of Science Poem
FAMOUS.FIVFamous Five Have Another Jolly Adventure
FANTASYA man recalls the previous night
FEARIf a man can stand tall & proud, he will not be afraid
FERRARIASCII picture of a Ferrari
FESTIVEHow to tell if your part is going well
FILTH.BBCThe same dirty picture for BBC TYPE command
FILTH.VT1A Filthy picture for VT100 terminals
FIREWORK.VTA VT100 picture of a bloke letting off fireworks
FOR_LISTA Complete UNIX fortune list
FRACTIONA cautionary tale of Poly Nomials
FRANGLAIFranglais Avec Mo Johnston
FRUITBATEverything you wanted to know about Fruitbats
FUCKUsage of the word
FUCK.2A word for all seasons
GARFIELDASCII picture of Garfield
GENESISIn The Beginning God was pissed?????
GEOGRAPHTest paper on geography
GERMANGerman for beginners: The Car
GHOSTThree men stay a night in a house without toilets
GLOSSARYA Glossary of computer terms
GOSPELThe Gospel according to St Bureaucrat
GNUECHOA "Unix" manual page(?)
HACKER.JARA Guide To Hackers Jargon
HACKER.POMA poem about computer hacking
HACKER.TSTTest to see how much of a hacker you are
HAGGISMonty Python on the Origins of the Haggis
HAMLETFragments from Hamlets Notebook
HAMLET2Fragments from Hamlets Notebook
HANDA Love Song(of sorts!)
HAPPY.LOVHappy Loving Couples - a 100 question test
HEALTHYStaying Healthy
HEAVENHeaven is Hotter Than Hell
HELPRavings of a depressed computer user (Edible Dormouse)
HEMOPHILCoping with Hemophilia
HITCHHitch Hikers Guide To The Net
HOBBIESVarious hobbies you could take up
HORSESProof that Horses have infinite legs
HUMOURVarious stuff from rec.humour.funny
INKLISHQuotes from foreign notices
INSURANCDetails as recorded on insurance forms
INTERNET.WRMA report on the Internet Worm
INTERVIEFreshers Talk (2nd Edition)
JELLORay Tracing Jello-o Brand Gelatin
JOB.ELEJob prediction based on elephant hunting
JOKE3Misc Jokes
JOKESMisc Jokes
KLINGONVariations on "You Klingon Bastard, you killed my Son"
LA1Laurie Anderson "Big Science" lyrics
LA2Laurie Anderson "Mister Heartbreak" lyrics
LADY1ASCII picture of a Lady (1)
LADY2ASCII picture of a Lady (2)-Baby Jane
LADY3ASCII picture of a Lady (3)
LADY4ASCII picture of a Lady (4)
LADY5An ASCII picture of a Lady (number 5)
LADY6Yet another...
LANGUAGEComments on programming languages
LASERHow to build a laser
LASTWORDFamous last words involving F***
LAWSOFTHLaws of the Universe (fortune style comments)
LAWS.2More fortune style comments
LAZARUS.LNGExtracts from the Notebook of Lazarus Long
LBJ2Light Bulb Jokes
LEAVE_PLAdvice on how to leave the planet
LIFELife is like a...
LIFFThe students meaning of Liff
LIGHTBULA canonical list of light bulb jokes
LIMERICK.MCMClab limericks
LIMERICKDirty Limericks
LOGICPub meeting with a student of Logic
LOGICAL2More Logical Laws
LONGJOKEA file of Jokes (some long...)
LOVEMini & Micro-A Love Story
LUMBER.JCKLumberjack song (Monty Python)
LUNCHLunch the HP way
MANTAJokes about Manta Drivers (MD)
MATHS.JOKJokes mainly about Mathematicians
MATHS.PLYA play containing your favorite Oxford Math lecturers
MENANDWOThe differences between men and women
MOTORBUSPoem about a motorbus
MOUSE.BALMouse balls - a technicians guide
MURDERA short murder story
MUSIC.POLA Poll by Making Music (not really a funny but..)
NERDThe 100 question Nerd Test
NEVER_ENNever Ending Story from Bangor
NEWYEARAnimated "New year" message
NOMESNomes and how small animals live faster
NOVICEResult of letting Novices at Computers
NRRAAdvert for NRRA and "Friends of Heavy Weaponry"
NUCLEARHow to build a nuclear bomb
NUDGE.WNKNudge Nudge, Wink Wink (Monty Python)
ODEOde to a four letter word
OPCODESVarious Machine Op Codes
ORIGAMIMake your own paper model
OWLSFirst came the Cows, now come the Owls....
OXFORD.MATVarious quotes from Oxford Math's lecturers
OXYGENThe dangers of Oxygen
PACMANASCII picture (well I was told it was of a PacMan!)
PANTHERASCII picture of Pink Panther
PERVThe Perversions of Love
PETERThoughts while going to a bakery
PHYSICSPhysics Terms Made Easy
PICKUPThe canonical file of pickup lines
PINEAPPLUse and Abuse of Pineapples
PLAYGIRL.LTRA letter from PlayGirl magazine
PLIAn engineers attempt at PLI
POEMPoem from Wierd-L server (I think)
POEM2Poem about Russian Nuclear accidents....
POEM3A poem about a man and a woman in Cambridge
POLITICA.TRMOfficial politically correct terms
PPLThe First Paranoid Programming Language
PRAYERThe Lords Prayer according to Trendy Bishops
PRIESTA Pristly Story
PRIMEVarious groups answering "Prove all odds are prime"
PRIVATE.EYEExtracts from Feb 2nd 1990 edition
PROOFVarious Mathematic Proofs (e.g vigorous handwaving)
PROTECTLicense agreement with built in soul catcher clause
PROVERBSProverbs, Sayings, Quotes
PUN.LISExtract of a leaving speach by Judith Proud, OUCS
PURITYThe 400q Purity Test
PURITY.1The 1q Purity Test
PYTHONVarious Monty Python sketches
QUOTESQuotes about famous people
QUOTES.HPQuotes from a qhiteboard at Hewlett-Packard
RANDOMINMore Various Machine Op Codes
REAGANPoem about Ronnie
REAL2Real Programmers Don't Write Specs
REAL_PROReal Programmers Use Fortran
RELAY.HNTInspector's Relay Hints
RISCReduced Instruction Set
RISC.2Reduced Instruction Set (2)
ROLEPLAYThe umpteen million types of FRP players
ROMANCEHow romantic is your man?
ROTTEN.DAYYou can tell it's going to be a rotton day when...
ROWINGA rowing song from Univ Boat Club
SALESMANTravelling salesmen joke
SARTREExistential Programming
SBRAINA New computer algebra system
SCI_DICTDictionary of terms as relating to scientists
SECUREA True Hacking story
SENNEX.MCDSennex McDonald habeat fundum, E I E I O!
SEXUnix Manual Page
SEX.MANIntroduction to Sex
SEXPASCAPascal predicates for Sex (with example programs)
SHEWASShe was only a .... but she could .....
SICKSick Jokes (no complaints please)
SITON.FCESit On My Face (Monty Python)
SOAPStory about one mans stay in a hotel
SOVIETSAnalysis of Soviet Navy Admirals
SPACEAt the edge of infinity - humourous story
SPANNERDick Spanner, Private Eye
SPARROWOde to a sparrow
SPELLTHISpellthinger - parody of the Spellsinger books
SPERMMonty Python "Every Sperm Is Sacred"
ST-TNP1Star Trek:The Next Parody "The Wrath Of Tribbles"
ST-TNP2Worf In The Fold
ST-TNP3Pre-season Motion Picture
ST-TNP4The old series meets the next generation
ST-TNP5Where No Sane Man Should Go
ST-TNP6Where Everyone Has Gone Before
ST-TNP7Improper Channels
STAFFUniversity Computer Staff
STARTREK.VT1A VT100 piccie of the Enterprises Revenge on RCA
STUPIDArtficial Stupidity
SUPER.HERDiary of a superhero
SURGERYHome Surgery
SW-7DSnow White And The Seven Dwarfs updated
SWEARSwearing by numbers
SWEDENRavings about Sweden
TEACHINGTeaching through the ages
TEBBITThe Tebbit Times Tables
TEDDY"Teddy Bears Picnic" brutalised
TELLYRantings on TV programs
TEXA shaggy TeX story
TEXAN.EELHow to kill a Texan Eel
TIMEGrand Unification Theory Of Time
TOADSAussies getting high on Toad sweat
TRAININGSpecial High Intensity Training (SHIT)
TRAMPA tramp goes on holiday
TRANSPUT.JOKJokes about transputers
TRANSVESLyrics: Sweet Transvestite, from Rocky Horror
TV_EVANGTV Evangelism
TWILIGHT.VT1Animated "advert" for the Twilight Zone
TYGER"Tyger, Tyger" brutalised
UNIXThe Unix Philosophy
UNIXWARSUnix Wars (earlier version of DEC Wars)
UNIXUSERThe hierarchy of Unix Users
VAX_VMSResponse to bugs in VMS 4.7
VEGEPoem about vegetables
VIRUS.IBMSecurity alert - IBM Virus found
VOTEPolitical History of "Estonia"
WALTERDunno what to write about this one.
WATERInterview with Health Minister, Richard Slicker
WAY1'Weird Al' Yankovic "Polka Party" lyrics
WEEKEND1An extract from one episode of "Week Ending"
WEEKEND2More from Radio 4 "Weekending"
WEEKEND3More from Radio 4 "Weekending"
WEEKEND4More from Radio 4 "Weekending"
WEIRDMiscellanous stuff from "Weird-L server"
WHITE.MGCSheep as lovers
WINDPoem about Wind
WOMBLENewsflash: Wombles are dangerous
WOMBLE2Newsflash2: update on WOMBLE
WOMEN.MEMA Memo on Women
WOMEN.TRUThe truth about women
WORKA CSP style chart of students work
WORLD.TEXThe World according to student bloopers
WORMSAussies try to save a Giant Worm
YTSQUIZThe YTS Puzzle Page
ZA New Programming language
ZAK.2A story full of mindless violence
ZOGS.1Chapter 1: A Brave New World
ZOGS.2Chapter 2: Freightal Error